Monday, February 27, 2006
Patience is a virtue.
Have I ever told you just how much I hate waiting????
I must be the most impatient person on the planet, and even after all these years of if and ivf and wait after wait after wait, I still hate waiting so very very much. Sometimes I think that the universe is playing a big trick on me just so that I will learn myself a lesson; that is learn to be patient and gracious and virtuous.
But I'm not.
I fucking HATE waiting..... I feel sometimes that my life is on hold because I'm waiting, and in turn I'm probably not enjoying the NOW of my life. I got sick of waiting for cycle after cycle, waiting to see if we got any eggs, if they fertilised, if they survived, the dreaded 2ww; still I did not learn my lesson.
Now I'm waiting to feel lots of movement from these babies, it's driving me insane. To the point where I rang my midwife today to tell her I'm not feeling enough movement. I must be such a pain in the arse to her. But all is normal, yada yada yada, placentas at the front, yada yada yada, 2 babies not a lot of room; yada yada yada; every baby and pregnancy is different. I suppose that her reassurances did placate me, but often all I feel is the bubbles and flutters and I want to be KICKED! I want some serious action in there!!
Apart from that I seem to be setting myself little milestones. Waiting for 12 weeks, waiting for 16 weeks, waiting for 19 weeks, waiting for them to be born so I can poke and squeeze and touch them and convince myself that they are really real.
I waited and waited to finish work, now that I've finished I'm waiting for my sister to arrive (tomorrow night) no doubt I'll get back on the roller coaster and set myself another milestone to wait for.......
I must be the most impatient person on the planet, and even after all these years of if and ivf and wait after wait after wait, I still hate waiting so very very much. Sometimes I think that the universe is playing a big trick on me just so that I will learn myself a lesson; that is learn to be patient and gracious and virtuous.
But I'm not.
I fucking HATE waiting..... I feel sometimes that my life is on hold because I'm waiting, and in turn I'm probably not enjoying the NOW of my life. I got sick of waiting for cycle after cycle, waiting to see if we got any eggs, if they fertilised, if they survived, the dreaded 2ww; still I did not learn my lesson.
Now I'm waiting to feel lots of movement from these babies, it's driving me insane. To the point where I rang my midwife today to tell her I'm not feeling enough movement. I must be such a pain in the arse to her. But all is normal, yada yada yada, placentas at the front, yada yada yada, 2 babies not a lot of room; yada yada yada; every baby and pregnancy is different. I suppose that her reassurances did placate me, but often all I feel is the bubbles and flutters and I want to be KICKED! I want some serious action in there!!
Apart from that I seem to be setting myself little milestones. Waiting for 12 weeks, waiting for 16 weeks, waiting for 19 weeks, waiting for them to be born so I can poke and squeeze and touch them and convince myself that they are really real.
I waited and waited to finish work, now that I've finished I'm waiting for my sister to arrive (tomorrow night) no doubt I'll get back on the roller coaster and set myself another milestone to wait for.......
// posted by M @ 4:27 pm 
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MA Jennie says that you've had bad news. I wanted to let you know how sorry and sad I was to hear that.
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