Saturday, April 22, 2006
All over
Well that's it, hopefully the nightmare of the last 6 weeks is finally over. I went into hospital yesterday for a d&c, evidently there was a fair bit of 'product' in there that she has got out, now all should go back to normal. But as we all know the universe hates my guts so expect something else to fuck up shortly..... All I pray now is that all my 'bits' are in working order and ok for ivf, I know now more than ever that I need for us to have our own child, and I'll do my best to make it happen. I need to have that belief that one day we will be parents.
I went for a healing today with a beautiful lady who is an Angel Intuitive, I do go in for a lot of the spiritual side of life despite my husbands' complete lack of belief. I need to know that there is a reason for everything, and that my babies are all together and know of my love for them. Well I walked out of her house with that beautiful glow inside me, the glow of the knowledge that my children are safe and together, and that one day a beautiful spirit will head our way to be our child. I need to hold onto this feeling in my darkest hours when I am full of doubt and fear.
My plan now is to have no plan. I really want to nurture myself and just be me for a while, do what I do (or don't) want to do and help my heart to heal. I am looking forward to going to Sydney in a couple of weeks and just hanging out with my friends and hiding from the world for a little bit longer. I'm not fussed about going back to work, if they ring me for some shifts then I'll do them, but if they don't then that's ok as well. I just want to find Meri-ann again and discover who she is, and embrace her despite all the changes and who she has become.
// posted by M @ 6:44 pm 
