Thursday, April 27, 2006
My Boy
Ok, as promised here is my post about my boy. I have the best dh in the world, I honestly do, but sometimes he frustrates the complete fuck out of me.
I have been blogging now for a few months, and I'd never told dh that I was doing it. So one day last week I just felt that I should, so I told him about it and actually invited him to read it. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but somehow I think I expected more than I got. I thought maybe he'd get an insight as to how I'm feeling and all that, because although we are really close we don't 'talk' alot about 'stuff' ie; Piper and Laine, Grover and Houdini, feelings and all that stuff. Not that we don't want to know how each other is feeling, it's just that often we don't feel the need to talk about it all the time. I have never been so comfortable just being silent with anyone in my life as I do with my boy, we can just sit there and not speak and feel totally comfortable. He is home to me, if that makes sense. But my heart is breaking in tiny little pieces each and every day, and I'm not sure how to communicate it to him. He is the ultimate 'fixer', my boy can fix everything and anything. He has renovated our whole house on his own, he can build cars, he is the MacGyver of the world..... but I can't imagine how hard it would be for him not to be able to fix me, or our babies. What does make me get up out of bed every day, get showered and live life, is his unwavering belief that one day we will have our own child living in this world with us. To him there are no if's or but's, it just will be. And for that I am eternally grateful. If it weren't for his strong, silent presence in my life I don't think I'd be here. We are polar opposites in every way; he is quiet, shy, introverted and yet the strongest person I have ever met; I am out there, outgoing, comfortable with people and portray a strong confident woman, yet I'm not half as strong as he is.
After seeing him hold our beautiful babies that resembled him so very much, I know that one day I need to give him his own child. He is a father, and should be a father. In a way I feel like I have let him down in losing our babies, although I know he thinks that is a crock of shit. But sometimes it's how I feel. I thank the universe each and every day for giving me someone like him, for deeming me worthy of such a beautiful person although it obviously doesn't think I'm worthy of having my own children. So many couples lose sight of each other and end up breaking up after the loss of a child, let alone 4, yet our children have given us the greatest gift they possibly could, the gift of each other, love for each other and appreciation of each other. They have truly made us closer. At night just feeling the warmth of him next to me gives me more comfort than I could ever imagine.
Well there you go, I didn't realise that this post would be such a gushing one about my dh. I haven't even told you why he pisses me off! Maybe I'll just take the warm and fuzzies for today and leave that post for another day..... (and no I didn't write this post thinking he'd read it, because he probably won't!!)
// posted by M @ 11:50 am 
Comments:
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I so relate to all of what you say, I know that I would of been so lost without my DH. You too have a special man that we are lucky to have.
xxx
xxx
i think your luck to have each other, your both spesh people and your right he will make a great dad :o)
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# posted by 
: 11:07 pm
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