Friday, May 12, 2006

Back home

Well I'm back home after a cathartic and relaxing 10 days in Sydney. It was so nice just to be in such a comfortable environment with great friends and grasp the idea of the process of 'healing'. I've had a lot of time to think about this, and I've decided that you don't heal as such, but you adapt yourself to live with the grief; that it becomes a part of you. That's how I see it anyway. My children and my grief are now essential parts of my being, I am forever changed by my love and losses and I will just have to learn to live my life in this 'altered' state, if that makes sense. At times when I was away the grief hit me like a physical punch, an unexpected assault on my heart. Those are the worst times. When it hurts physically. Little reminders that insinuate themselves in day to day life, and you just can't ignore them. My wonderful friend now has an 8 month old girl whom I absolutely adore, and seeing the interraction between parents and child makes me realise just how much I NEED this to be a part of my life. For a while there I had actually thought about not trying anymore, about thinking how much I would break if I lost another child. But now I can't think about not trying again. DH and I should be parents, we have so much love to give to our child.

// posted by M @ 6:09 pm
Comments:
so glad you had a great trip, so what did you get me? you prolly bought that stinky cat stuff so where are my goodies?


i'm also so much more than glad your MA again, don't get me wrong I know the sky has been black and heavy over your head for a long time now but seeing and hearing the happiness you exuded (spelling sux live with it) on the phone this evening was brilliant, welcome back MA you've been missed :o)
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 6:50 pm
 
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